Your tits are I can't wait for
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
