no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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