I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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