Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
