weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
