is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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