someone threw a dead crab at me
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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