Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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