just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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