are you still at the devil's house?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
