i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
