there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You can't just leave with hair like that
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
