i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i need some magic done to my vagina
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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