we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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