I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
