you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
