a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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