I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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