I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
