anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
