So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
