got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
