Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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