and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
