I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
