Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just threw up on my dentist
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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