I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
