Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
