I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I touched a dick in church today
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
