What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
