oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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