I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
