my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
