Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
