Are we in a gay sports bar?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
