he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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