Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
