Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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