I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
