Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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