Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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