I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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