my phone needs a breathalizer
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
