She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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