just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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