she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
