I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
