this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
