Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
