I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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