yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
