How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
