On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
